Archive for July, 2012

July 22, 2012

Choices

We all make choices.  Every single day we make hundreds of them.  We choose to get up when our alarm goes off.  We choose to shower, dress, go to work, eat, talk with friends, etc.  Those things seem like things we “have” to do…but really, they are all choices.  And all choices have consequences.

Everything we do is like a pebble in a lake.  You may gently place the pebble in the water, or you may throw it far.  No matter how you do it, it has an effect on everything around you.  The tricky part is that you almost never know exactly what will happen.  You can plan a bit….you can know some of what will happen…but the reactions of things and people around you are unpredictable.  You cannot plan on, or expect, how others will act/react.  You can only control your choices, and why you make them.

I have made a choice to divorce.  I made this choice back in January, and when I did, I knew some of what would happen.  I knew that my ex would be upset…angry.  I knew that one of us would move out of the house.  I knew that our daughter would be hurt and angry.  I knew that it would be expensive, and that it would take a huge emotional toll on me.

The consequences of my choice have had much more impact than I thought.  I suppose, in a selfish way, that it would really be a private thing.  Our close friends would be upset, of course, but I didn’t expect that people would be so emotionally wrapped up in it.  I didn’t expect to loose friends, but I did.  I didn’t expect such intense emotions, but I have them.  I didn’t expect a lot of things that have come out of this…but they’ve happened.

So what’s the point here?  I have made my choice,…and I am sticking with it.  I know that regardless of the effects, it is the best thing for me as  a person.  I no longer choose to try to be someone I am not.  I no longer choose to be treated in a way that is unhealthy for me.  I no longer choose to be ruled by the needs of another person.

As many consequences as this has caused outside of me…with my friends/family….with my finances and my future plans….the biggest consequence is that I am changing on the inside.  It is difficult…painful….confusing…exciting…but it is there…and it is growing….like the ripples in the water …far reaching and beautiful..

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